Surprising myself
- Feb 19, 2022
- 3 min read
One of the most unexpected things about this season of life has been discovering how
many things I was capable of doing after I stopped telling myself I couldn't.
Funny how that works.
For years, I lived inside what I affectionately call the finance box. It paid the bills. It provided
stability. It gave me opportunities and experiences I'll always appreciate.
But somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that creativity belonged to other people.
Artists.
Writers.
Musicians.
People who wore interesting scarves and somehow knew how to use all the buttons in
Photoshop.
Certainly not me.
Or so I thought.
Then life handed me a giant plot twist.
Health challenges, major life changes, and stepping away from a nearly two-decade career
left me standing in unfamiliar territory. For a while, I wasn't sure what came next.
What I discovered was something I never expected.
Space.
Space to learn.
Space to create.
Space to become curious again.
Surprising Myself Through Creativity
Over the past months, I've started creating meditation videos, building websites, designing
printable products, opening online shops, creating journals, writing books, and learning
skills I once assumed were far beyond my reach.
Not perfectly.
Not elegantly.
Certainly not without the occasional technology-induced meltdown.
But I've done them.
And every time I learn something new, a little voice inside me says, "Well, look at that."
Because sometimes the biggest surprise isn't what we're capable of doing.
It's realizing we were capable all along.
The First Step Is Usually the Hardest
Most dreams don't fail because people lack talent.
They fail because people never begin.
Fear has a thousand convincing arguments.
You're too old.
You're too late.
Someone else already does it better.
Nobody will care.
You'll look foolish.
Fear is creative like that.
But here's what I've learned:
The first step doesn't require confidence.
It requires willingness.
Confidence tends to show up later, usually after you've stumbled through the awkward
beginner stage and survived.
Work, Purpose, and a Different Perspective
For most of my life, I rolled my eyes whenever someone said, "Find something you love and you'll never work a day in your life."
It sounded suspiciously like advice printed on a decorative sign hanging above a
farmhouse sink.
Real life requires work.
Bills don't pay themselves.
Dogs insist on eating regularly.
Coffee is somehow never free.
But I understand that phrase differently now.
When you're building something that matters to you, the work feels different.
The hours are still there.
The effort is still there.
The frustration is definitely still there.
But purpose changes the weight of it.
Permission to Begin
If there's one thing this chapter has taught me, it's that we spend far too much time waiting
for permission.
Permission to start.
Permission to create.
Permission to dream.
Permission to become someone new.
The truth is, nobody is coming to hand us a certificate declaring us officially ready.
Sometimes we simply have to begin.
Messily.
Imperfectly.
With shaking hands and a hopeful heart.
Final Thoughts
I'm not writing this because I've arrived somewhere extraordinary.
I'm writing it because I'm still on the journey.
Still learning.
Still creating.
Still surprising myself.
And maybe that's the point.
Growth doesn't always happen in giant leaps.
Sometimes it happens one small, courageous step at a time.
And before you know it, you've become someone your past self never imagined possible.
A'ho Daw'kee 🙏🏼 Namaste
— Cat V
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